Today’s the day – Briela’s Day! I’ve somewhat foregone saying “The day she was born and passed away”, and just end up calling it her day. It’s her birthday, it’s also her death day… it’s Briela’s Day.
Anyway, today is that day! She would have been 2 years old today.
We decided to do a bit of a repeat to last year; we went to her grave site, then followed up with some ice cream (it’s customary to have ice cream [cake] whenever someone has a birthday around here.) It ended up being a lovely family day.
This morning I woke up and decided that I should be emotional today because it was Briela’s Day. I mean, shouldn’t I be emotional over the anniversary of her death? She’s my daughter, after all!
It didn’t take long for me to realize that I don’t need to feel upset. If I become upset throughout the day, then that’s fine, but it is definitely not something to be forced.
I remember feeling fine one year ago when we celebrated Briela’s Day; it wasn’t until we got to the grave site that I got emotional. So with expecting it to be the same this time around, I was surprised to find that I wasn’t too emotional at all! We even had our little Tobias with us, something that I thought might tug at the heart-strings as well, but nope!
I’ve learned today that you can’t always control your emotions. Sometimes you’re upset when you don’t mean to be, sometimes you aren’t upset when you think you should be, sometimes you’re happy when you should be upset, etc. We needn’t feel bad about our unpredictable emotions either – they aren’t always an indicator of how we truly feel.
Does Time Heal?
I do not believe time heals all wounds, but I do believe that it softens the blow.
I believe that the progress of healing depends on each person and their outlook of life. If you have gone through a loss and had an outlook of hope, I believe healing will come quicker. You will be able to move forward in life more easily and keep pressing on. If you go through a loss without the gift of hope, I believe healing will take longer and life will not seem as bright as it otherwise could.
After losing Briela, I chose to have hope. I chose to believe that God was still good and He had plans for me. I decided to step into those plans, and in doing so I’ve accomplished more than I could have imagined. For one, we brought a new son into the world. Also, my dream of becoming an author came to life. This blog is also something that I never thought I would succeed in, but I’m pushing forward! I can look back at these past two years and see not just sorrow in losing a daughter, but see gifts and blessings that God has poured out upon me. By choosing hope, I can be certain that Briela is not worse off, but alive and well in heaven, and I will meet her again someday! And through hope, I know that although I do wish she were with us, there is so much worth living for that dwelling on what could have been isn’t going to be very helpful.
So as this day comes to an end, I will choose to start year 3 of Briela’s passing pursuing what God has planned for me. I want to live my purpose and reach my destiny. I miss my daughter every day, but I know she’s rooting for me and our family to live life fully and without regrets while we’re still here on earth.
So let’s make each day count!