I haven’t really posted anything about my current pregnancy, so I figured I’d start now!
After Briela passed away, it was a very confusing time in regards to the having-more-babies question. My entire pregnancy with her was filled with declarations such as, “This is the last one!” “I’m never being pregnant again after this!”, etc. It wasn’t a great pregnancy, and I was thrilled with the idea of having two boys and a girl to complete our family. Sounded perfect to me.
So when she passed away, my vision of a “perfect” family fell to pieces. Franklin and I were so thankful and blessed to have our two boys, but somehow our family just didn’t seem complete. I kept hearing “Well, once we’re in heaven our family will be complete” and all of that… but it really didn’t bring me the comfort that it was supposed to. After months of battling the question, Should we have another? Will we lose another baby? We finally decided that we did want a bigger family and we didn’t want fear to make that choice for us.
Because I had an emergency c-section with Briela, it was recommended that we wait a minimum of 9 months before conceiving to allow my body to heal. Well, I fell pregnant at about 8 1/2 months… close enough!
Because we had never been told to wait to get pregnant before, it was a little challenging emotionally. It definitely was a good thing though, allowing us to pray into the next pregnancy and just to prepare ourselves in every way with the idea of going through another pregnancy again.
By the time I got pregnant, I was so spiritually, mentally and emotionally excited about this next chapter, and I knew that this pregnancy would be unlike any I’ve had before. I knew that I wouldn’t have any complications or issues, I knew that I would be pregnant with twin girls (see the story here) and I knew that the birth would be ‘perfect’.
About 5 weeks in I started to bleed. What?! This was not supposed to happen! I started having pregnancy-related headaches (definitely something I had been praying against for this pregnancy) Seriously?! We find out there’s only one baby in there. Huh?! And then later find out it’s another boy!! (?)
The pregnancy that I had envisioned being completely anointed and blessed was turning into a ‘regular’ one. I had told myself before falling pregnant that if anything worried me, I would seek God, not online forums. And what was the first thing I did when I started bleeding? I seeked out comfort and answers from online sources. Oops.
Today I am 31 weeks pregnant and can say that this pregnancy has been one of growth and getting to know God even better than I had before. It has been a roller coaster – not something I had at all expected it to be, but it has been good for my relationship with God.
I think that once I lost Briela, I had the belief that I had experienced enough trials and that I was entitled to getting anything I asked for. Apparently I still had a lot of learning to do (thank you God!) and it has been a good thing, unexpectedly.
We only have a couple months left until we meet this precious life, and I cannot wait! I am so excited to be having a little boy and am so excited for my two sons to meet him 🙂 It will be a glorious day!